Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
