My liver just broke up with me...
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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