I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
