Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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