Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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