I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize