Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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