I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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