Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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