We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
