I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
