i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
