it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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