Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Randomize
