She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
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