the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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