420 ftw
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
