i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
