Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
