i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
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