Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
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