It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
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