I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Randomize
