too bad you live with your parents still
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I licked your asshole in confidence.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
