I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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