you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize
