after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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