Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
