4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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