I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
