Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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