You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Randomize
