Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
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we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
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We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
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