It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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