operation harelip BJ is a go
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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