Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
