you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Randomize
