For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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