Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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