Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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