Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
