You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
