I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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