You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
