She's JV to your varsity
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
if i died would you start the facebook group?
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
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