She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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