I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
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