he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Randomize
