the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
