how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Randomize
