my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Randomize
