cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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