I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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