Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
