I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
