Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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