my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Randomize
