I'm really into asian looking animals
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
do nipples grow back?
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
