So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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