oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
