i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
