i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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