I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
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