I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
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