i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
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