I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
