She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
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