New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I wish I only lived at night.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Randomize
