No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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