I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
